翻译：

@Shane Yang 、

@RAI Leona ；校对：

@alanjguo@61君；编辑：

@郑惠文

If you knew then what you know now, what advice would you have given yourself about getting married and raising a family?

如果当时早知道，你会怎么考虑婚姻和家庭的问题？

These statistics probably don’t need reciting again, but for every two marriages performed in the U.S. in recent years, there was one divorce. Clearly, marriage is not a game for the risk-averse and yet most of us give it a try. Or two. Or three.

具体的统计数据就不详细引用了，广为人知的是近几年在美国，每两对夫妻结婚的同时就伴随着一对夫妻的离异。显然，婚姻并不是规避风险的游戏，但是我们中大多数人总是会去尝试一次，或者两次，甚至三次。

Nearly three-quarters of Americans tie the knot at least one time, despite the odds. While that’s down a bit from the 85 percent marriage rate when Harvard Business School's Class of 1963 graduated, their success at picking a mate is truly enviable. In a 2013 study, more than 70 percent of the 1963 grads were still with their first spouse — a fortunate break from the patterns of the population at large.

尽管困难重重，近四分之三的美国人还是至少会结一次婚。哈佛商学院 1963级毕业生却有将近 85%的结婚率，他们在选择伴侣上的成功真是让人钦羡。 2013年的调查显示，他们中将近 70%依然维持着第一次婚姻，与全国普查中的婚姻低维持率相比，这真是一个幸运的突破。

Because the members of the Class of 1963 have a bit of a golden touch at getting and staying married, it won't surprise you that many of them say no decision in their lives was more important or more worth getting right.

因为1963毕业生成员们在结婚以及维持婚姻上有着点石成金的魔力。所以当听到他们大多表示在人生中没有什么决定能比选择伴侣更重要时，你也许不会感到惊讶。

Still, their family lives weren't always perfect, and it’s heartbreaking to read the recollections of the grads who put their marriages and family life at peril through a litany of bad habits — alcoholism and workaholism, primarily. As a class, they would implore you to choose your life partner with the utmost care, and then put that partnership above everything else.

诚然，他们的家庭生活并不总是那么完美，有的校友因为一些坏习惯——比如酗酒和过度的工作狂表现置家庭于危险的处境，这无疑是令人心碎的。作为一个班级整体，他们诚恳地建议你用极致的耐心去选择人生伴侣，然后把你们的关系放在首要位置。

DICK RESCH

My one big mistake in life has been providing a trust fund for my five children. I’m very comfortable paying for an education for as long as they want to study in a reputable university. However, providing additional funds so they could have a lifestyle beyond what they have achieved on their own was a mistake.

我犯过一个极大的错误是给我的五个孩子提供了信托基金。我心安理得地为他们在名校的学习支付学费，他们爱读多久就读多久。但是，为他们提供资金，让他们过上靠自己的努力无法过上的生活，这样做欠妥。

CHARLEY ELLIS

Make family life your first priority. Marry someone you admire and are always learning from, who admires and learns from you. Help each other grow and share values, plans, experience, laughs, and time together.

将家庭放在第一位。和彼此敬佩且永远能相互学习的人结婚。互相扶持着成长并且彼此分享价值观、计划、经历、欢笑和时间。

JOHN T. “JACK” CORRODI JR.

Don’t rush into getting married. At age 35, I knew better where I was headed and whom I wanted to be with.

We were shocked at not being able to get pregnant. Never mind. Adoption of newborns turned out to be delightful. (We did it 16 times.)

不要急于结婚。我在 35岁时，比以往更加清楚自己要往哪儿去以及想和什么样的人在一起。

当知道不能怀孕时我们都很震惊。没关系。收养新生儿绝对是让人愉快的事儿。（我们收养了16个孩子。）

BARBARA MINTO

Marriage is not necessarily the best solution for everyone.

结婚不一定对每个人来说都是最好的解决方案。

WARREN BATTS

Your children are your legacy. Give them unconditional love within a framework that teaches them your values but also allows them to be who they are. Spend as much time with them as possible. Time spent when they are young is like money in a piggy bank: don’t expect them to spend time with you when you are old if you did not invest in them when they were young.

你的孩子就是你的遗产。把你的价值观传递给他们，同时也允许孩子们做他们自己的教育框架——在这个框架下，给予他们无条件的爱。尽可能地陪伴他们。在他们年幼的时候陪伴他们，就好像在往小猪储蓄罐里存钱：如果在他们小的时候，你没有花时间陪他们，那么就不要期望，当你老了他们会花时间陪你。

RON LESLIE

• Have fun. Doing things well is fun.
• 快乐一点。做好每件事会让人快乐。


• Have a good relationship with each child, set boundaries, ensure each knows being loved.
• 和每个孩子建立良好的关系。爱他们的同时约法三章。
• When in doubt, use the three most important words with your spouse: “You’re right, dear.”
• 当两人陷入犹疑，对你的妻子说的最重要的七个字是： “你是对的，亲爱的。 ”

DONALD P. NIELSEN

Marriage is an 80–20 partnership, on both sides. If you each understand that, you always go out of your way to please your spouse. When both partners do that, you have a happy marriage.

The greatest gift you can give your children is to love one another.

婚姻遵循80/20法则，适用于夫妻双方。如果你明白这个道理，就能摆脱自己的那一套而去讨配偶的欢心。当双方都这样做时，你就有一个幸福的婚姻。

你能给孩子最好的礼物就是和睦相爱的父母。

GERALD (JERRY) WOLIN

When raising children, make sure they grow up to be independent. Too many of us want to make life easy on our kids and save them from anguish. That is not always the best course of action.

培养小孩的时候，要确保培养他们独立生活的能力。我们中太多人想要让自己小孩的生活更容易一些，让他们少一些痛苦。有时这样做不对。

PAUL ROSENBAUMThe two most important decisions one makes in life are where you go to school and whom you choose to marry. All else follows from these choices.

While there are several obvious traits to be sought in a spouse — mutual love, attractiveness, and intelligence — one overlooked but important quality is kindness. Marriage brings both shared happiness and challenges. Kindness allows both parties to understand and empathize with each other as they mutually solve the issues that enter their lives.

Another important element is religion. The couple-to-be should discuss in advance of marriage what religion they will observe and what religious practices they will maintain when they marry, and especially when they have children.

人生中最重要的两个决定：去哪儿读书、和谁结婚。

所有其他的决定都伴随这两个选择而来。

通常有几个明显特质是我们在寻找另一半时很注重的——爱慕，美丽和智慧——但有一个品质是非常重要却又被忽视的，那就是善良。婚姻给双方带来共同的幸福和挑战。善良的品格让双方一起解决问题时，能理解彼此、产生情感的共鸣。

另一个重要的因素就是宗教。未婚夫妻们应该在结婚之前提前讨论好他们要保持什么样的宗教信仰，以及在婚后，特别是在有的孩子之后，他们要维持怎样的宗教行为。

HENRY THOMAS

As for family matters, I can be very brief and to the point: Happy wife, happy life.

关于家庭生活的问题，简明扼要地说：让老婆高兴才能让生活愉快。

HENRY A. GILBERTChildren pay most attention to what you say with your feet, rather than your mouth.

孩子会更关注你如何做事，而不是怎样说教。

ANONYMOUS

Exercise patience . It took me two marriages and 80% of a lifetime to appreciate the value of that word.

练习忍耐。我花了两段婚姻和 80%的人生来领会着个词的意义。

WILKO BÖRNEREven though I am satisfied with — and worked hard for — my professional career, family demands on my time always had priority. This may have restricted my business success, but I have no regrets.

I have seen many people proudly create products, organizations, buildings, and fortunes. Most of these works have not outlasted the people who created them. I am fairly confident my family will continue as a healthy and confident structure for much longer.

虽然我致力于拼搏事业成功，但是陪伴家庭的优先级绝对是第一顺位。即便这对我的事业会有影响，我也毫不后悔。

我见过很多人自豪于产品、组织、建筑以及财富的创造，但这些成品大多没能活得比创造者久。我自豪于健康家庭的创造，它一定能将幸福绵延。

RON LESLIE

The sweetest words in the English language are, “Granddad, would you like to …?”

英语语言里面最甜蜜的话就是： “爷爷，你想不想 ...？ "

ANONYMOUS

All our children are successful and happy and live near our home. We have family parties each month for ourselves, children, and grandchildren. We really enjoy being together. Families who play together stay together.

我所有的孩子都非常成功快乐，而且都住离家不远的敌方。我和老伴儿每个月都会为孩子们、孙子们举办家庭聚会。我们非常享受在一起的时光——一起游戏，或者什么也不做地静静呆着。

RALPH LINSALATA

• Tell your spouse and children that you love them every day, no matter how you feel.
• 每天都告诉你的伴侣和孩子，你爱他们，不管你感觉如何。
  


• Do not bring your problems home with you.
• 不要将你的烦恼带回家。
  


• Realize the joy that comes from helping your spouse and children excel in their fields of interest and enjoy themselves.
• 通过帮助你的伴侣和孩子在他们感兴趣也喜欢的领域追求卓越获得乐趣。
  


• Develop within your family a sense of obligation to help others.
• 在家庭之中建起起一种把帮助他人看作自己的义务的共识。


• Spending quality time with your family — not just time — is critical.
• 花有质量时间陪伴你的家人——不仅仅是时间——这很重要。


• Choose a spouse who will understand and support you, and one for whom you will do the same. Life is much better if you can help each other grow and expand your knowledge, experiences, friends, and capabilities.
• 选择一个理解你支持你而且你也会同样对待她的伴侣。如过你们能够帮助彼此成长、扩宽彼此的知识面、充实彼此的经历、结交共同的朋友，强化问题处理的能力。你们会生活得更好。

ANDY PETERY

No one is born a parent. Although our media and bookshops are filled with endless self-help guides and courses, parenting is one of those things in life you must learn by doing. Striving to be a good husband and father have been my greatest challenges.

没有人生来就知道如何为人父母。虽然媒体和书店里满目是自学指南和教程，但其实你必须边做边学。竭尽所能去做一个好丈夫和好父亲对我是巨大挑战。

I do not regret one bit that we set many “reach goals” for our children — both academically and in sports. In my view, it is necessary to stretch for something that is well beyond your grasp. If you never push yourself to your limits, how do you even know what your limits are? And if you do not force yourself beyond those limits, how do you grow?

我一点儿也不后悔为孩子设置了 “目标 ”——无论学业还是运动。在我看来，去争取一些超越你能力的的事情是很必要的。如果你从未将自己逼到极限，你又怎么知道极限在哪儿？如果你从未试图超越极限，你又该如何成长？

NORMAN BARNETT

Marry when you and your prospective spouse know who you are and what work you will do. Make sure you each are willing to support the other in having the life you each want.

在你和你未来的伴侣知道你是谁以及你将要做什么工作的时候再结婚。确保你们愿意支持对方去争取彼此想要过的生活。

Most of us would do well to delay getting married until we are established on a career path. Then we should delay having children until we are sure we’re prepared for the challenges of raising a family. While we’re meeting our responsibilities as parents, we must remember to maintain a strong, loving relationship with our spouse.

我们大都会推迟结婚，直到我们的事业有所建树。然后我们又会推迟生育，直到我们确信已经准备好负担家计。承担为人父母的责任，并且一定要与伴侣维持坚如磐石，充满爱意的婚姻。

BOB GRIFFIN

I believe the most significant barrier to a healthy, happy family is the combination of self-will, a sense of authority rather than partnership and respect, and a reluctance to express forgiveness. The qualities of respectful communication, trust, patience, and an abundance of flexibility will lead to a family life of happiness and mutual love, even through the tough times.

我相信拥有健康快乐的家庭最显著的障碍就是一意孤行，那是一种权威感而不是合作伙伴关系或对对方的尊重，是一种不愿意表达原谅的阻碍。充满尊重的沟通，信任，耐心以及灵活丰富等特质会让一个家庭充满欢乐，互相关爱甚至度过难关。

GEORGE MOSHERRecognize that choosing your life’s partner is one of the two most important decisions you will ever make. Give your choice the attention it deserves. Think through what’s truly important to you. Choose someone you will enjoy working with to achieve your common goals. Of course, being in love is very important — but it is not enough.

Once you are married, it’s important to continue to work together. Recognize that the other person has his or her own goals and ways of doing things. Make it clear what is important to you, make sure you understand what is important to her, and then reach decisions that incorporate both sets of goals.

选择人生伴侣是你所做最重要的两个决策之一，要给它相应的关注度。认真想想什么对你来说是真正重要的。选择一个能和他（她）一起愉快地工作来实现你们的共同目标的人。当然了，恋爱也是很重要的——但那还不够。一旦结婚，一起为共同目标付出努力很重要。你要意识到你的另一半也有他（她）自己的目标和做事的方式。搞清楚什么对你是重要的，了解什么又对她是重要的，然后将两组目标结合起来，做出最终的决定。

DAVE PUTERBAUGH

Respect the interests and desires of each family member. Establish traditions and special geographic places for your family — this becomes more important as families typically move around a lot. Remember that you can’t make up later for missing key times in your family’s life.

尊重每一位家庭成员的兴趣和渴望。为你的家庭设立家族传统和特殊的地理位置——这对于经常搬迁的家庭来说尤为重要。记住，一旦你错过了家庭生活的几个关键时刻，你将永远无法弥补。

THOMAS E. REILLY JR.Be committed to the family, even at the expense of work. Stay sunny. Keep a sense of humor.

承担家庭的责任，即便牺牲工作。保持阳光积极。保持幽默感。

GEORGE I. ROEN

As for marriage, give space and insist on your own. Before the ceremony, look for brains, even temper (that I lack), a can-do attitude, and accomplishments. Check out the prospective in-laws carefully. And at the end, seek true beauty (philosophy and appearance). Forget infatuation.

对于婚姻，要给予空间，同时坚持自己。婚礼之前，你要找的是有头脑的另一半，她甚至可以有点脾气（这正是我欠缺的），一个“能行”的积极态度和有所成就的事业。考核一下你未来的亲家。最后，在看她是否美丽（心灵上的／外表上的）。忘记痴迷的感觉。

ANONYMOUS

Teach your children by example. Rejoice in their differences. Remember that you are their parent, not their friend.

以身作则地教导你的孩子们。为他们的不同庆祝。记住你是他们的家长，而不只是狐朋狗友。

JUDY LEY ALLENStaying married is a real trick, and worth the care it takes to accomplish this. Each of us is formed by our backgrounds, and blending our views and concerns takes listening and understanding. But oh, is it worth it to live happily with the person of your choice!

保持婚姻是有诀窍的，它值得你悉心照料。我们每个人都是被自己的背景影响成型，要融合彼此的需要和担忧要倾听和理解。但是和一个你选择的人幸福快乐地生活是很值得的。

MATHEW FRAUWIRTH

Do not try to determine your children’s future for them. Support them in their choices. We did, and have been blessed with two college professors and a dean.

不要试图为你的孩子决定他们自己的未来。支持他们自己的选择。我们就是这么做的，并且已经得到了两位大学教授和一位院长作为回报。

GARY MACDOUGALI envy my friends who have not had to experience divorce. Though many get it right the first time, research shows the odds are not good if you get married before age 30. I believe most of us change a great deal in our 20s, and know ourselves and others better later.

I am blessed with great children and, early on, listened to a wise man in my company who told me: “Spend as much time as you possibly can with your kids now, because you can’t come back and do it later.”

我很羡慕那些用不着经历离婚这件事的朋友们。尽管还是有很多人第一次就做正确了，但研究指出，30岁之前结婚，最后的胜算并不大。我相信我们中的大多数人在20岁时改变了很多，也在这之后更加了解自己和他人。

我很幸运，我都孩子们很出色。公司里一个聪明人曾告诫我：“尽量多和孩子们呆在一起，因为这些时光转瞬即逝，一去不返。”

JOHN A. MOELLER

Finding that special person whose values, goals, interests, and tenacity match yours, then getting and staying married, is the greatest pleasure and satisfaction anyone can possibly have. It isn’t always easy, but the companionship and partnership produce continuing teamwork, rewards, and pleasure.

Raising children becomes a never-ending source of pride, requiring work, time, patience, and expense. As children mature and themselves become spouses and parents, they provide an ever-changing perspective on wisdom and happiness.

找到一个和你代价值观、目标、兴趣和坚韧性都匹配的命定之人，然后结婚，一直在一起——这是一个人可能获得的最大喜悦。这或许不容易，但是陪伴和合作会产生持续的奖赏和快乐。

抚养孩子是自豪感源源不断的来源，这需要努力、时间、耐心和付出代价。当孩子们成熟了，当他们自己也成了配偶和家长，他们也会提出不断变化的关于智慧和幸福的见解。

JOAN O. ROTHBERGStaying married (49 years): Be tolerant; don’t try to change him or her; do something each day to make your spouse happy.

Raising children: Try to build character — honesty, morality, and kindness. Set the example for them to follow.

维持婚姻（49年爱的旅途）：要忍耐；不要试图去改变他（她）；每天都做些让你的另一半开心的事。

培养孩子：培养这些性格——诚实、道德、善良。自己以身作则做榜样。

ANONYMOUS

Put the children first. A loose reign — but not too loose — works with children (and horses). Love them totally and unconditionally. Make a few sacrifices for the common good. Remember that different generations don’t like the same music.

把孩子放在第一位。对他们放松管教—但也别太松了—和他们一起工作（也和马儿们一起工作）。

全身心地、无条件地去爱他们。为了共同利益做一些牺牲。

记住不同时代的人喜欢不同口味的音乐。

BILL AGEEEveryone knows that we allocate time to whatever we value most. Don’t kid yourself into accepting the “quality time is good enough” myth. The gift of actual time — and a lot of it — is essential to nurturing healthy family relationships.

所有人都知道我们会把时间分配给我们最重视的事情。不要用接受“黄金时光（父母亲保留专门讨论与家庭和小孩有关之事务的时间）够好了”这样虚幻的词句来欺骗自己。给予真正的时间—以及大量的时间—对于培养健康的家庭关系是无比重要的。

ROBERT K. BOWMANFind someone who has both some mutual interests and some differing interests. Respect each other, no matter how much you may disagree. Do things together.

找到一个和你有共同兴趣同时也有截然不同的兴趣的人。

尊重彼此，不管你们有多不同意对方的观点。一起做事。

PAUL G. HINES

This is not easy. It takes commitment, time set aside for family fun and relationships, and an ability to rise from the ashes when things don’t work out the first time around.

这并不容易。它需要承诺，花在寻找家庭的乐趣和培养良好的家庭关系上的时间以及在第一次婚姻失败后从废墟里脱身，重新开始的能力。

LAWRENCE D. ACKMANEncourage family togetherness, frequent communications, joyous occasions.

If things get tough in a marriage, don’t give up the first (or second) time there is a problem. Too many marriages are terminated after hitting the first rough spot.

鼓励家人们经常待在一起、频繁的交流和愉快的聚会。

即使婚姻变得艰难，别在问题刚刚出现的时候就放弃。

太多的婚姻在第一次遇到难题时就过早地结束了。

RICH OPSAHL

Before the wedding, make a deal about what type of life you expect to lead. Be willing to argue about things openly and even often.

Hang out with your kids a lot, even if it means missing work opportunities. Give your kids the best schooling you can. Exercise together.

在婚礼之前，对于你们未来期待的生活达成一个共识。接受公开讨论，甚至是经常性的争论。经常和孩子们出去玩，即使那意味着错过工作机会。给你的孩子你能给的最好的教育。一起锻炼身体。

JOHN H. SCHWARZTake your time finding the right marriage partner. Find your own identity before imposing yourself on someone else. Understand that commitment to your work ambitions has to be balanced with commitment to your family, even if achievements in business may at times suffer. In the long run, you can reach your goals without sacrificing your family life.

花点时间去找到那个正确的结婚对象。在把自己的人生和别人绑定之前先找你自己的定位。要理解在工作和生活之中寻找平衡代重要性，即使这有时影响事业。但长期来看，你是可以通过不牺牲家庭时间而获得成功的。

Teach your children both through mentoring and by example. Build their self-esteem, but teach them how to succeed with humility. Demonstrate team play at home so the family learns the art of working together. Be firm and consistent, but also understanding and flexible. Don’t expect your children to be you or to satisfy your dreams. Let them be themselves.

教育孩子的时候，既要做良师益友，又要以身作则，为他们树立榜样。建立他们的自尊，但也要教会他们谦虚。在家里也要强调团队意识，这样家庭成员能学会合作的艺术。要坚定、始终如一，同时善解人意、灵活应变。不要期待孩子成为你，或者是让他们来实现你的梦想。就让他们做自己。

SCOTT SPANGLERI would say that marriage and parenthood are the essential human experience. While career was important, family life was, in the end, the most satisfying part of my life. I think a happy marriage and family are one of the most important predictors of success in business.

我想说结婚和培养子女都是极为重要的人生经历。尽管事业很重要，但家庭给我最大满足。我认为一个幸福的婚姻和家庭是事业成功契机。

DOUGLAS T. TANSILL

I can’t say I have been good at it, but being willing to listen to each other and compromise are keys to staying married.

谈不上擅长，但我的经验是必须说愿意倾听彼此以及妥协，是维持婚姻的关键。

ANONYMOUS

Family First — it’s the center of my life, and directs and governs everything in it. Growth comes when this center is working; setback creeps in when I lose the Family First focus.

When my troubles invade, I look at myself in the mirror and laugh. This key to life is so simple, but we seem at times to make it so difficult and complicated. Drive from Family Firstand life will be better, longer.

家庭第一——这是我生活的中心。当这个中心正常运作时，我会进步；当我失去家庭第一这个核心代时候，我只能悄悄抹眼泪。

当困难来袭，我看着镜子里的自己笑。这个生活的关键要素是如此基本，但似乎有时我们会把它变得很难很复杂。坚持家庭第一生活就会更好更持久。

JOHN A. FABIAN

I am convinced there is a lot of luck involved in these “family matters.” Having said that, the one thing that surely makes one more “lucky” is to give family matters as much time, effort, and attention as possible.

我想，要搞定家务琐事得需要不少运气吧。话虽如此，给你的家庭事务尽可能多精力会让你更幸运。

MARK HOFFMANDon’t forget: while you’re still busy elsewhere, marriage and family will inevitably be the most important elements of determining success or happiness for most people.

不要忘了：即便你忙于他务，婚姻和家庭还是幸福的首要因素。